Friday, September 13, 2002

I've been really down this week. I suspect that it has allot to do with how I'm feeling physically. I'm so tired. Every muscle hurts -- even the soles of my feet hurt when I first get up in the mornings! When I shower, it hurts to just run the bar of soap over my skin. I don't think any amount of Zoloft can fight against the type of discouragement I'm feeling right now. I hate that I have to spend all my precious energy coming to a job that doesn't fulfill me. I was thinking last night about what I would differently in my life if I suddenly knew I had "x" amount of days/months to live. It certainly wouldn't be spending it coming to work! Then I thought, "well, we don't know how long we will live...no one knows that but God...shouldn't we make everyday the best we can?" But, the only way I could do that would be to file bankruptcy and I know that isn't what God would have me do. I have to work in order to pay my obligations. The sad thing is, God blessed me with this job promotion but I still wish I didn't have to come here everyday! I wish I was at home making my house pretty and making pretty things and ....ah, well, unless God works another miracle, that's just a dream for the future.

Monday, September 09, 2002

Well, I'm back from a week's vacation in which my primary activity was sleep. Still didn't quite catch up but close. I hate how CFS is taking so much time away from life! Plus, I saw a Rheumatologist who confirmed that I also have FMS....and during the exam he said he thinks he saw the beginings of a cataract so I need to go see an opta...opti....eye doctor. ggrrrr....

I attended my first SCA event, a Land War. It was a blast. I entered a skein of handspun into the A&S competition and was recognized in front of everyone at Court! I was so flustered and afraid I'd do something wrong but it seems I did okay for a newbie. I'm really glad I found this group.

I joined Equally Yoked, also. I need to go fill in my online profile. Seems I'm going from almost no social life to needing a social calendar! :-)