Friday, January 17, 2003

Boy oh Boy, time flies! Well, Christmas came and went with little fanfare but lots of time in prayer and review of the path I've been traveling. Well, I realized that it was time for some course corrections. I wasn't sure what those should be so it was good that I had time to spend in prayer and fasting and seeking God and His wisdom. I put the house up for sale early January and within a week, it was under contract. We go to closing on the 31st and then I head down to North Carolina to begin a new season of my life. It's time to finally put my desire for voluntary simplicity and a more creative lifestyle into motion. I believe with all my heart that God is leading me along this path. I have dreamed for many years of living more simply, to really DO creative acts rather than dream about it, and walking humbly with God. With the way the world is going, time is short. Time is too precious to waste dreaming about what we wish we could do while living a life we don't enjoy grabbing for the brass ring. What is more important: building a retirement account and an asset ledger or making the most of every day do that which God uniquely designed us to do?

I've tended to run from the "creative" in me. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of looking like a fool. Fear of disappointing people I care about. It has been so easy to fill up my life with stuff so that I could stuff my desire to create deep down inside in a dark dark corner. But, it was always there. A quiet moaning of the soul being deprived of its sustainance. No amount of "noise" could drown it out. So, it's time. Time to bring her out of the corner and feed her malnourished spirit and let her sit in the sun. Then, we can see what she can teach us.

Friday, November 22, 2002

Well, welcome back! Boy has it been a wild month! I was actually escorted out of the SNM building the last Wednesday of October. Praise God, I was able to get a two months severance package as they didn't want me filing a complaint against them under the Americans with Disabilities Act. I hated having to even threaten that but I had a case and I didn't want to lose my house. I've been spending allot of time with the Lord this past month. It has been very spiritually strenghtening. Plus, I've had time to reassess my course. I've decided to dedicate the next year to focusing on my artistic talents and see what it might bring. Job wise I'm looking for something that will pay the bills but leave me the energy to pursue the art. I'll be taking a test for a position with Fairfax County as a 9-1-1 Operator. While I'm not thrilled about the 12-hr shifts, it would give me more time to do the art thing. But, whatever God directs, I will do. I know I've made some mistakes but I pray that I've learned from those mistakes and that I can go onward and upward from here! God is Good ALL the Time!

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

You-Know-Who has been slinging his swords and shooting his arrows at me. :-( I'm losing my job as of the end of the month.

But, what "he" means for evil, God will use for good. Will I lose my house? perhaps...perhaps not.... it's God's house anyway so it's up to Him if I remain the steward of it. You-Know-Who wants me to panic and live in anxiety but I'm so past that! Why should I worry about "stuff"? It's all God's and it's all Good! Praise be to God!!!!

As I'm concentrating on keeping my eyes square on Him and not the waves, He and I have been reviewing my course and considering some course corrections to get back on target to the goal. I'm realizing that I haven't been assuring myself of "creative play" time. I've been so discouraged this year about the health problems (aaarrggghhh worrying about the waves...) that I haven't given my spirit the opportunity to stretch it's wings.

Thursday, October 17, 2002

Sorry for the long delay in posting an entry. It's been quite a month. October 5th I attended SCA "University" and had a great time. I was able to attend because someone else in my area was going and let me right along. But, that was the end of the fun. I'll be unemployed come November 1st. While I sensed it coming, it is still a shock. Now what to do. Do I try to sell the house? Do I rent it out? get a roommate? just run away? just kidding, kinda... Of course I'm sending out resumes but it's a very difficult job market right now. Sure, I can get a retail job in a heartbeat but that will be difficult physically and won't come close to keeping me in the house. I applied for a position as a 4-H Educator which I think would be allot of fun but it is 30 hours a week so doesn't come with benefits. Rough road ahead, good thing God is driving.....

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Boy, it's been a bit since my last entry. Sorry about that. I've been having such a time with my feet....hurts so bad, especially to walk. My favorite beardie died during the night last night. I believe Harley was impacted; but, I don't know that for certain. Anyway, it has me rather blue.

On the lighter side, I've finished spinning the Jacob. Plying it was difficult as it kept breaking. I suspect I let it get too thin in places. Because of the poor quality of the final product, I've decided to use it to knit and felt a hat for myself. I also thought that I might do some embroidery on it. We'll see how it goes with the felting.

I'm having a blast with the SCA group. Attended a beading 101 class this past Sunday. I'll be heading off to "University" this weekend to learn natural dyeing, embroidery, etc.

Work sucks so I won't talk about it!

Thursday, September 19, 2002

Ma freend, whit fettle?

Hello! What you see above is Scots for: My friend, how are you doing? As part of my research into Medieval Lowland Scotland, I found a website that teaches the basics of the Scots language. Scots is the language of the folk from the lallans (lowlands), which was a mixture of Gaelic, Anglo, Frence, and Norwegian.

I'm happy to say that the medicine that the Rheumatologist perscribed is beginning to help with the muscle pain, which in turn is helping a small bit with quality of sleep. Of course, now I have allergies kicking in! aarrgghh....

Not much else to report that's new.

Haste ye back!

Friday, September 13, 2002

I've been really down this week. I suspect that it has allot to do with how I'm feeling physically. I'm so tired. Every muscle hurts -- even the soles of my feet hurt when I first get up in the mornings! When I shower, it hurts to just run the bar of soap over my skin. I don't think any amount of Zoloft can fight against the type of discouragement I'm feeling right now. I hate that I have to spend all my precious energy coming to a job that doesn't fulfill me. I was thinking last night about what I would differently in my life if I suddenly knew I had "x" amount of days/months to live. It certainly wouldn't be spending it coming to work! Then I thought, "well, we don't know how long we will one knows that but God...shouldn't we make everyday the best we can?" But, the only way I could do that would be to file bankruptcy and I know that isn't what God would have me do. I have to work in order to pay my obligations. The sad thing is, God blessed me with this job promotion but I still wish I didn't have to come here everyday! I wish I was at home making my house pretty and making pretty things and ....ah, well, unless God works another miracle, that's just a dream for the future.